Daddy Diary (Ambush Edition)

by jpserrano on January 1, 2013 · 0 comments

With three children in the house, I’ve given up hope that I will ever take a shower alone again.  I have resigned myself to the fact that children will be coming in and out of the bathroom as I complete my necessary morning routine.  But, there is one place I insist on my own space.  I like to have peace and solitude, even from my wife, while I get dressed in the morning.

Today, I let my wife sleep in.  She finally woke up when I came into the bedroom after my shower.  My children took this as a sign for them to have a free-for-all in our room. I let them have their fun and say good morning to their mother, but after a couple minutes, I had enough. “EVERYONE OUT!” I bellowed.  My wife, now fully awake,  said very sweetly to her children, “Leave your daddy alone to get dressed.”  I, on the other hand, took one of my socks and beaned my daughter in the back of the head as she walked out. “Close the door behind you,” I told her, in my best Three Billy Goats Gruff troll impression.  All the while Jess laid in bed.

A VERY short time later I hear my daughter call out from behind the closed door, “Daaaaaaaaddyyyyyyyy, I have a note for you.”  I responded, “I am not going to read it ’til I’m dressed.”  She got frustrated, “Ok, I’ll read it to you then.  It says, ‘If you come out, you’re DEAD!'”  With my eyebrows raised, I responded, “Oh really?”

I motioned for my wife to help me get all the socks out of our drawers.  We lined up in the customary Revolutionary War British army formation, standard for any sock throwing campaign. With socks in hand, we were going to ambush the children when they came in.

I called out in a nice voice, “Caedmon, go ahead and come in.”  She responded in a loving tone, “Ok daddy…….Open the door, Benny.” He’s under 2 years old, the perfect pawn for her plan.

The door swung open and standing on the other side of the door were our sweet mischievous children, armed to the teeth with all of their socks. I couldn’t believe it; they had the same exact idea I had.  They had prepared to ambush the ambushers.  It brought joy to my heart that they came armed. This is how we know we have trained them well. And when Benny opened the door, it turned into war!

Jess and I lost that little sock throwing battle.  We keeled over from laughing so hard that the children were so clever and devious.  

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