How To Win Friends And Influence People

How To Wins Friends is book that was written in the 1930’s by Dale Carnegie.  To some the title sounds manipulative, however the principles laid out in this book are more about being purposeful in the way you live your life.  The book is very dated in its examples and stories, but that doesn’t mean it’s outdated in content.

I found the book easy to read and remember because Carnegie writes in a forward driving style that is full of stories.  As a person in ministry this is a good book to be reminded about again and again.

The principles may not make sense read only as an outline, that’s why reading the book would be better than just my outline below.  It’s an enjoyable quick read with short chapters.

The book is divided into four section with each chapter enforcing a single principle.  Here is a summary of the books content.

Section One:
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People.

Principles:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Section Two:
Six Ways to Make People Like You

Principles:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
6. Make the other feel important—and do it sincerely.

Section Three:
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principles

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other persist ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Section Four:
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to the people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask Questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.  Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement.  Mae the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.